Dear Jim,
I know when you died, I promised to write you a lot. I haven’t. But you know that. Apologies are pointless, so, I’ll just get to it. I can’t remember the last time I wrote you, so I will just start from wherever … I’m in DC now. I’ve been here about 2 years. I suppose I came for a job, but really to find something more important. I’m still not sure what it is, but I suppose it will all clear up as this movie unfolds. This weekend was like few others … Bar / Club hopping on Friday night with Dave and some Boy Candy who got us in to the I Bar for free (and me with my sneakers!). The guy at the door gave me a future reference point that sneakers weren’t normally allowed, but he gave me props on matching my nice suede blue pumas to my blue button down, untucked. What a style monster I am. Jim, if it weren’t for the failures I keep repeating, I swear you’d be proud.
Then, Saturday was nice – I woke up to 3 or 4 people in my apt. making me brunch. I know I’m not the best at communication, etc., but I swear I have good goddamned friends despite my consitent failures at relationships in general (lets not even get into the sexual). Then a piling of 6 people into the SUV – the one Dave is car-sitting for Christina – for a little trip to the suburbs for Batting Cages and Mini-Golf. Still a bit of a hangover, I couldn’t hit any of the baseballs, but did relativly well with the softballs. I guess I just like my balls big. We spent the evening drinking wine and smoking, watching some british comedy that is pretty funny. Coupling, I think it’s called.
But enough of the temporal events – I’ve been simmering a theory that of course, is unprovable using any of the standard metrics (sight, sounds, touch[in all that complexity], smell & taste), but seems to have been thought of before. While I haven’t done a differential analysis, they seem very similar – mine and theirs. A bit of a different perspective, if you will, but still similar – you see, what I concieve is that I am “God”. Because it is the conciousness that I refer to as “I” that confirms the reality that is proccessed, that conciousness is the “Creator” if you will. The funny part is that even with all the powers of creation at my will, I am bound to some framework that seems (for lack of a better verb) not of my creation. The difficulty here is that I’m mixing the logical (property of identity, 1=1) with the meta-physical. So, the world I create can be measured by any of the five sensors I’m aware of, however, there seems to be more ‘stuff’ to measure, if I had the right sensors. Imagine if you will that long before the thermometer was invented, we were aware of the sensation of cold and heat and preasure, etc., but with the invention of a thermometer we had seemingly external validation for our internal sensors. Now imagine the blind man who has eyes, etc., but does not ‘see’ – eg the light sensors for his eyes are broken and transmit no information to the processing center; he is without a sensor and if he has always been without, concieving of it might be impossible. I say might because I’m not able to concieve of additional sensors that might make metrics for things like “love” possible. The other dilema this idea creates is that even with all the information we have, the axiom that it is my perception that defines everything essentially makes nothing ‘true’, since true can just be defined differently. The trick to making it possible is to remove time and thereby remove reference points – e.g. if each data set is a distinct set, arriving at existence and leaving existence so that only one data set existed (that created by the “I”), there would be no history to compare things to. You could say that as, “…so that only data set existed at a time“, but would find the time reference useless because that’s what gives us the differences. So, If I created this moment and the memories that have lead up to it all in one shot, I can infinitly create and recreate with no “inconsistencies” like the clock in a movie being in one shot, 9:00 and in another seemingly chronologicly later shot, 8:00. Because the whole of my world is created as the only world, there is no ‘real’ history to say, “Hey, what happened to the clock? How did we just lose an hour?”
Anyway, it needs a lot of work still, but the constructs seem solidly grounded (that was a joke).
Hope things are well in your existence, although, I hope in your existence there are no value judgements so things won’t need to be well. All my love,
Josh