Redemption’s Cost

In the Nut House, Again. Always the same … I’ll get better one day. but my questions remain: what will become of us? Will you die by his side? will i die as alone as i’ve always been? And how you fill my thoughts! warm milk and honey, affections gentle: fingers on my ears. There’s … Read moreNuthouse Ramblings

indent, indent, indent! make space for yourself. elbows out! eyes shut! spin, spin, spin! make space for yourself! All the keys pressed, chaos reigns in a trance! Make Space For Yourself!

we didn’t last a year before breaking down: deceit, bandwidth, time … all the best reasons; the reasons are irrelevant, oddly enough. the void they leave behind still loves me… much like Jesus, I suppose. i take the void to bed, i offer to be the big spoon. i kiss the void gently, barely a … Read moreThe Loving Void

so what if i’m a fucking drunk!? You would be, too, had you glimpsed God’s face only to be so frightened, you ran away from love. so what if i’m perpetually afraid?! You would be, too, if your peace came from the sounds of cars crashing and knives being sharpened.

the lights don’t burn the nose, only mildly offended. the gin goes down easy, easier than the conversations. He’s trying to remember, I’m trying to forget. We’re both doomed. Put on your reading glasses: her kids are in their 30’s. Mine would be 24-25… something like that: age appropriate activities. People in his Freundkreis don’t … Read moreAquarium Drinking

There is no more oblivion: NOT IN THESE DOUBLES, not in these 20 somethings; insecurities abound. Even if i’d never say yes. just too… eager. let me be … alone like every capitalist imagines themselves. I’d write sonnets if I could have that.

I’ve recently decided I don’t like my friends. They’ve all become boring. Doing all the things that need doing – * raising children * making appointments * cleaning the bathroom Lots of things need doing even if they’re boring. But I don’t do boring; I sleep. Through boring nightmares, boring murders, boring deaths. Such are … Read moreneed doing

Insipid love, burnt beyond recognition; who would identify this corpse? Unrecognizable… But I know Him. I’ve seen him all the minutes of my life. I know disfigured love, disgusting in its jealousy, its neediness. I know it all too well. So well, in fact, that I can say with confidence: That is no corpse – … Read moreInsipid Love

Empire down! so when I come in, I expect to be free! Clean dreams! so the next time we sleep, fear won’t lay beside us! there you are! into everything, again… when I close my eyes, you hold my aching head in your lap of mountain meadow. Greatness! Where have you gone?! I’ve spent half … Read moreMore

you’re right again – you’re definitely better off. Unless you want love. I wouldn’t recommend it: lots of ruination there. Without love, you don’t need to apologize, and you know Why. But I’m still in love, living with it like a rabid dog on a chain in the corner of my bedroom (church). I don’t … Read moreBetter Off