Zurich, CH

It’s been 3 months since I got here. I’ve been home once. I’ve been to Paris, Amsterdam, and Northern Italy – Aosta. I’ve been a bit around Switzerland, but not too much. I miss home a lot. But I really like it here and want to stay. Really what I miss are the people. I’ve … Read moreZurich, CH

Visiting

does it make a difference if you’ve tried and failed, repeatedly so that now you look broken and ugly? that knock of the world upon your soul, rapping hard like the pigs do when they come to find you; take you to the camps just to remind you that the pain they inflict will never … Read moreVisiting

Crime Fighters

All night long, there are sirens running to and fro’ trying to save the world. They weren’t able to save us. There were emergency room visits and papier-mâché hearts that dropped from fire escapes, only bruised, not entirely broken – just to see if I could really die. Sirens and guns and bulletproof vests won’t … Read moreCrime Fighters

What about non-violence?

Violence is a word that is sterile, anti-septic. Non-violence is the same. Each of these words, one the antonym to the other, are safe, academic words that don’t express the suffering they are supposed to describe. What is hidden under each word?

Violence: fear, hurt, pain, searing, cold, weakness, ache, loss, grief, suffering, power, control, dominance, submission, rage, frustration, violation … Non-Violence: reason, intellect, compassion, wisdom, kindness, love, determination, safe, tolerance …

Gandhi once said something along the lines of, "The world has a choice: Nonviolence or non-existence." Within myself, I must consider my fears – that my "self" will be destroyed if I allow others’ violence against me. This is a profound fear; it seems based in the desire of every cell of my body to continue its own existence. That fear feels inborn – I have never been without it; walking alone or in a pack, there is the fear of my own flame being extinguished lingering in the background, keeping me company.

I have questioned the "how" of nonviolence – how do you get there? How do I stop what feels to be an instinctual reaction to protect myself? How do I accept force against me? How do I submit to my spirit, rather than to my body? How do I overcome things that aren’t even ideas, that were not taught to me, but seem to be there none the less? HOW?

I have asked these questions for what feels like a long time – though I imagine 5 years is not long enough to understand the spirit. Perhaps I should ask myself something else entirely: "What drove you to desire overcoming the violence inherent in the body?"

Read moreWhat about non-violence?

Random Thoughts

so i’ve decided to learn a little about AJAX and started thinking about any application being built into the browser, with the ability to pop up layers with options, or the standard dialogs we’re used to – then I started thinking about how it would be cool to have some kind of caching mechanism so … Read moreRandom Thoughts

Where I’ve been

I’ve been off on holiday, and a bit of work in an awkward paradise. There were no strippers; just beautiful people, places, goats, birds, dogs, roaming horses and mules, cats and fish. There was sun and a warmth so comfortable, I dreamed at night. Colorful lizards hung along the walls and porch columns. I watched … Read moreWhere I’ve been

Rage

there is rage that chokes me, really, forces something in my throat to close and the air becomes difficult to breathe in like walking into a sauna heated by a volcano. I don’t know what it is, where it is, i’ve never been able to pinpoint why it is, but the sky seems black and … Read moreRage

Soapbox Artist: collecting art & literature of the worst kind