lost today

i lost today;
all things, gone.
awoke to the sun’s goodbye.
awoke to evening’s disenfranchisement.
lost my clubhouse a while ago,
a victim of fear.
lost dreams, loves, voices…
[i only took the drugs to be more … acceptable]
time gone
and gone again
and times… oh the times.
i won’t see anyone tonight.
(but the memories will flood)
can’t imagine what she’s doing here –
sure, the tequila is the best
but my head hurts more and more.
(sometimes i wish it was a tumor
and i could paint and write in a bathrobe
at whatever hour i deamed fit
and no one would dare criticize
a dying man given to eccentricities.)
the truth is i am too soft for this world.
i wonder if the other soft things fear so much:
the delicate petals of flowers,
rain drops falling to their death,
mountains flowing away,
stars collapsing on themselves.
well…
fuck them if they do.
i’ll try and get up on time tomorrow.