At what point do we figure out if we’re good or bad at something? Do we see ourselves going down backwards on the staircase and not notice it? I have borne out my suspicions that I am not a good communicator. Meek whispers though they were, I caught notice and listened carefully. And now on this day, I have studied their complaints and have agreed. Not all is lost, however.
I’m reminded of a Beatle’s song now; something along the lines of, “Get up / go to work / da da dahh ” and so on, you get the point. Bright and early I’m out the door – with the lovely Judy Brown in tow. She’d forgotten her keys and this Urban Prison locked her up between the apartments and the front door you need a key to exit. We agree keys should be exchanged for just this sort of occasion.
I catch the train and wonder at all the lovelies and not so that travel along with me. Some coming, some going and some doing both at the very same time – the lost-in-the-middle apathetic that have survival on the mind. I still had Ms. Brown as company marking the first time I’ve spoken on the train to anyone in the morning. One of the few things I enjoy about life is the imposed monad the metro brings in the morning. I can’t bear to think of what a morning might be like if there were 200 people talking to-around-about a person. That kind of corrosive verbal discharge at the early, un-hardened hour of the day forces the soul into retreat.
work…work…work…work…work…work…work…work…work…work…
The wretchedness of it all. Meetings, conference calls, silly affronts to my being – mercy lord, allow me life.
On the train home, I decided to make myself available for dating, seeing, pleasuring, etc. Such a valued soul as mine only offers one conclusion as to purpose and it would be a severe negation of my truth to remain unattached or unavailable. There is no woman undeserving of the light that my soul’s lantern shines. All this in a rush of understanding just before the unfathomable stench wafted over to me from the orifice of some unkind miscreant. Perhaps the idea wasn’t so sharp after all.